Craven has tried to convince the creative team that two clients in one ad is a good idea. He has asked them to adapt their Buffalo Finance concept to accommodate a second client, and the creative team are nervously waiting to find out which client they have to work into their concept.
GUY: Who's the second client, Craven? Or haven't you lined one up yet?
CRAVEN: Yes, I have spoken to another major advertiser who is happy to share a spot with Buffalo Finance.
ROB: Let me guess: Fenestre Investments? Financing your next investment with Buffalo would work.
CRAVEN: No, it's not them.
GUY: The new Sniper launch? Cars and finance are always a good mix.
GUY: What about Orange Residential Development Corp?
ROB: Is it Upton Furnishings?
GUY: Well who the fuck is it then?
CRAVEN PAUSES FOR DRAMATIC EFFECT, THEN ANSWERS DEADPAN:
GUY & ROB TOGETHER: Whaaat????
CRAVEN (STILL DEADPAN): Snail-Go. Plus I've screwed extra money out of both of them so you can write a 60 instead of a 30.
ROB: You are insane, Craven.
CRAVEN: Stop telling me I'm insane, Rob. You've told me about five times this morning. Apart from working in advertising, I am quite normal. And what's wrong with Snail-Go? Buffalo Finance and Snail-Go snail bait is a perfect fit.
SLIGHT PAUSE IN WHICH GUY AND ROB STARE BLANKLY AT CRAVEN.
Well, it will be when you write a script that ties them together! I can see it now – the contrast of subject matter, the differentiated nuance in the storyline, the twist in the tail, the something unexpected.
The very fact that there are two very different industry groupings in one sixty second commercial means you have unlimited scope for scripting excitement and situational drama. In fact, it's better than having two clients from a similar industry sector.
THE TEAM CAN NO LONGER ARGUE WITH CRAVEN'S WEIRD BUT STRANGELY COMPELLING LOGIC, SO THEY RESORT YET AGAIN TO PERSONAL ABUSE.
ROB: You are a raving lunatic, Craven, do you know that?
CRAVEN: There's no need for personal insults, Rob. Although, being in account service, I'm completely impervious to it.
GUY: No, what you're impervious to is common sense, Craven. You cannot put snail-bait and superannuation plans in the same commercial. You just can't.
CRAVEN: I thought you creative people were innovative.
GUY: No, Craven, we're not innovative. 'Innovative' is a stupid word bureaucrats and boring business people use when they put two colours, five typefaces and a pie chart in the same power point frame.
HE PAUSES TO CATCH HIS BREATH BEFORE DELIVERING A WITHERING SPRAY TO CRAVEN
'Creative' is a completely different concept. Creativity is a mindset. It's knowing how to awaken people's interest. How to engage them. How to entertain. How to hold someone's attention when the subject matter would not normally do so of itself. Creativity is taking people away to some place they thought they would never visit. Making them wonder and yearn and luxuriate and ponder and imagine. Making people smile when they wouldn't normally smile. Making them cry when they wouldn't normally cry.
CRAVEN (YAWNS): You're making me yawn when I wouldn't normally yawn, Rob, so maybe you're right. You're creative. Big fucking deal. Now go and write a script for Buffalo Finance and Snail-Go.
CRAVEN PICKS UP HIS MANILA FOLDER AND STANDS UP
If you guys can't hold someone's attention with personal finance and snail bait in one spot you shouldn't be in advertising.
GUY AND ROB RISE THREATENINGLY. THEY WANT TO KILL HIM. CRAVEN IGNORES THEM AND LOOKS AT HIS WATCH.
CRAVEN: Shit, is that the time? I thought I was getting hungry. Want some lunch? Let's go over the road to Angelo's. I feel like a Caesar salad.
GUY AND ROB STARE AT HIM AND THEN LOOK AT EACH OTHER. SUDDENLY A HUGE MORAL BATTLE IS RAGING IN THEIR MINDS: PRINCIPLES? OR LUNCH? THE BATTLE RAGES FOR ABOUT HALF A SECOND.
ROB AND GUY TOGETHER: Lunch! Great! Let's go!
TO BE CONTINUED