What I Cooked Last Night

THE CREATIVE PRESENTATION FOR A NEW BRAND OF BEER IS TAKING PLACE IN THE BOARDROOM. THE CREATIVE DIRECTOR, JUSTIN, IS AT ONE END OF A TABLE AND THE CLIENT, MR EUGENE IONESCO (YES: HIS NAME REALLY WAS EUGENE IONESCO), IS AT THE OTHER END OF THE TABLE WHICH IS ABOUT A MILE LONG. WHAT IS IT ABOUT LARGE BOARDROOM TABLES? SOME KIND OF STUPID CORPORATE POWER GAME? JUSTIN IS NERVOUS. FIRSTLY, HE HAS TO SHOUT BECAUSE THE CLIENT IS SO FAR AWAY. SECONDLY, THE POWERPOINT PRESENTATION IS ONE FRAME OUT, MEANING THERE'S AN EXTRA PAGE IN THE PRINT DOCUMENT BUT DELETED FROM THE COMPUTER. THIRDLY, THE CONCEPTS ARE NOT MAKING HIM JUMP THROUGH HOOPS TODAY. JUSTIN IS WEARING A CHAMBRAY SHIRT OVER FADED JEANS. HE THINKS HE IS BEING IRONIC ABOUT THE EIGHTIES, BUT HE JUST LOOKS LIKE ROD STEWART. EUGENE IS WEARING A WHITE SHIRT OF FINEST COTTON OVER BLACK DESIGNER PANTS AND SOFT BLACK SUEDE SHOES. A SLINKY ORANGE SCARF IS TOSSED CARELESSLY AROUND HIS NECK AND DRIFTS WITH HIS MOVEMENTS LIKE GOSSAMER. ...

According to popular opinion, 1950s Australia was a cultural, culinary and social wasteland. One of the sub-texts of this misguided belief is that 'multi-cultural' food arrived only during that decade's post-war European migration into Australia. Presumably pasta, garlic, canned tomatoes and other exotic ingredients disembarked alongside the immigrants - or in their suitcases - off the same 1950s boats at Station Pier, to widespread nose-crinkling of the natives. Au contraire, mes amis . The following recipe complete with those same foreign ingredients appeared in a 1930 edition (see previous post) of The Leader Spare Corner Book . Hancock’s Spaghetti Recipe Chop up fowl in small pieces, add two tablespoons of lard, braise well, then add four cloves garlic (or onion), 2 lb of tomatoes, small cup of water, salt and pepper to taste. Simmer until fowl is tender, pour over spaghetti, add grated cheese and serve. Ordinary cheap cuts of meat can be used instead of fowl. Thi...

Roast potatoes are one of life's greatest benefits, especially when eaten hot straight from the oven having been baked with garlic and rosemary. Unfortunately, I sometimes bake too many and despite our best efforts, some remain uneaten. There are many ways to use them up. Pizza restaurants slice them onto pizzas and call them 'gourmet'. I call them leftovers. Beat half a dozen eggs and pour them into a non-stick pan over a low heat. Slice roast potatoes, grate a zucchini, slice a cooked chorizo sausage into thin rounds, cut some black olives into fine slices. Add these to omelette. Place lid over the pan if it has one, turn heat to lowest and let it cook through gently. If brave, make an attempt to fold this monster omelette, otherwise leave it as it is and call it a frittata. Slice into wedges and serve.

Nothing beats putting 'eco-' in front of your product name to generate utterly cynical marketing credibility. The average consumer is presumed to believe that the manufacture and distribution of a product without the eco- prefix has left a trail of environmental disaster in its wake. But add those three magic letters and the marketer conjures a kind of damage reversal; and an enviro-pixie waves a wand of green fairy dust every time you buy it. Eco batteries. Eco downlights. Eco bananas, with machine-dipped red wax tips. Yesterday I saw a product in the bathroom department called Eco-Ply. Enough said. Every time you flush, a forest grows somewhere. But eco- is not new. It pre-existed the green religion. I came across it in an old cookbook. Eco Macaroons. Half cup sugar. ¾ cup dessicated cocoanut (sic). ¾ cup rolled oats. Small piece butter. Mix well with beaten egg, and drop in teaspoonful on baking sheet. Bake in slow oven 20 minutes. From The Leader Spare Corner...

Who needs NASA? Illustration by William, 2010.

At last. Someone has verbally, if not literally, destroyed PowerPoint . I've been railing against PowerPoint for years. Some of my choicer PowerPoint quotes: Thick, steaming garlic bread and red wine. It makes the perfect late supper, unless you have an early meeting next morning. However, if you are being summoned to a powerpoint presentation, go ahead and eat all the garlic you like. Anyone putting on a powerpoint presentation in the morning deserves to be blown away in a garlic gale. I was at my second office reading a forty page powerpoint printout about some marketing genius's idea of what 'sets a company apart'. It was full of words like 'innovate' and 'respond' and 'focus on the customer' but it was devoid of any common sense at all. Yes, it's Bulwer-Lytton time again; the competition that asks you to write the opening sentence of the worst-ever novel. Shouldn't be hard: just read the average corporate mission statement or ...

Somehow we ended up in Cootamundra. I never plan, I just drive and arrive somewhere towards the end of the day. You often discover places you never knew. I had known Cootamundra, of course, having been based there years ago when I was working for a research firm. I had to visit farms around the district and interview farmers. It was slow work. It is a very hospitable area and some days I ate several morning teas and two lunches. This time we drove in before five and I stopped outside the tourist information office. It was about to close. What have you got, I asked the lady. What have you got, she countered. A wife and three children, I replied. Try the Elm and Wren , she said. They'll like it. Here, we'll get them on the phone. They’re very accommodating in the country. Wouldn't happen in the city. They'd throw a brochure at you. Half an hour later. The Elm and Wren was a 1940s red brick two-storey commercial building. They were usually built as banks, with en...

THE SCENE: A GRAND DINING ROOM IN ONE OF MELBOURNE'S OLDEST SUBURBS, WHERE OLD MONEY LIVES AND RARELY VENTURES AFIELD, EXCEPT TO THE BOARDROOMS OF COLLINS STREET AND THE SNOWFIELDS OF FALLS CREEK AND THE SOFT BLUE WATERS OF PORTSEA FRONT BEACH. SOPHIE, TWENTY-ONE AND IN HER FIRST YEAR IN ADVERTISING, IS HAVING DINNER WITH HER MOTHER. SOPHIE (PLAYING WITH HER SALMON MOUSSELINE WITH A CITRUS JUS AND SMUDGE OF TRUFFLE OIL): Mummy, we had a trip to the seaside today. MUMMY (TOORAK DAME, ALL JEWELLERY AND TANNED SKIN): Darling! Was it fun? Where did you go? Torquay? Blairgowrie? Brighton Beach? SOPHIE (SIPPING A 2012 MORNINGTON PENINSULA PINOT GRIGIO, JUST SLIGHTLY CHILLED, IN A CRYSTAL WINEGLASS THAT IS SLIGHTLY TOO LARGE): Frankston. MUMMY (WITH AN AUDIBLE INTAKE OF BREATH): You mean ... you actually went to Frankston? Or you just had a wayside stop on your way to Red Hill or Shoreham or Merricks? SOPHIE (ANOTHER TINY SIP OF GRIGIO, PULLS A SLIGHT FACE, IT'S VERY ACID): ...

Instead, he stupidly gave it to Prince Philip . Janet Albrechtsen : Abbott's knighting of Prince Philip wasn't a big deal - but it was one heck of a weird decision at a time when Abbott was hardly riding high. Once you do something that weird, it sticks. 'Helga Rolfe' should be out the door too. That was too weird as well, a marathon-running, bike-riding Rhodes scholar being shepherded around, like a child by a kindergarten teacher.

When was Kraft cheese (the one that lasted indefinitely) invented? In what decade were the Wizz Fizz, the Choc Wedge and Nescafe launched onto an unsuspecting Australian market? Remember Copha? (It's still around.) When was its name trademarked? When was Australian beer first available in cans? And when did CUB re-release Victorian Bitter in its original packaging artwork? Is Camp Pie Australian? (Or would you want it to be?) When did the iconic 1960s soft drink Passiona enter the market? What was Courage Draught, what was its logo character, and why did it fail? When were Tim Tams invented? Finding answers to these fascinating questions could absorb a lot of time. Fortunately, Jan O'Connell has done the research and placed the results into an Australian food timeline. Visit it here .

Monday's Moreland Leader reports : Coles is looking to increase parking spaces at its Coburg North Village after a flood of visitors in its first month overwhelmed existing facilities. Coles spokeswoman Martine Alpins said customer numbers exceeded expectations. "We plan to increase the number of parking spaces in the coming weeks to ensure customers continue to have a great shopping experience ... " And are able actually to take their shopping home. Unfortunately, some bureaucrats believe that shops would sell more goods if customers did not drive to the shops . How would they get their purchases home? Teleportation? Sydney Road traders would experience an increase in ... spending in their stores if on-street parking was removed, a community wellbeing expert says. Dr Hannah Badland, a McCaughey VicHealth Centre senior research fellow, said research had shown limiting car parking resulted in people staying longer in shopping strips and making more purchases. A chasm the...

767, A320, 747-400, A380 are just numbers. If you want an aircraft with a proper name you can't go past this . Unfortunately only two were built so you won't be able to sample the inflight menu any time soon.

A sultry late-summer night in 1977, close to midnight. I dozed in my chair by the open window waiting for the cool change; book cast to one side. The radio in the corner was low, as if playing to itself. Then the beginnings of a welcome breeze stole in the window. A song came on the radio. 1977 had been the era of disco, and lyrics that could be well described as having been typed, not written. But this was different. On a morning from a Bogart movie In a country where they turn back time You go strolling through the crowd like Peter Lorre Contemplating a crime I sat up, listened. She comes out of the sun in a silk dress running Like a watercolor in the rain Don't bother asking for explanations She'll just tell you that she came In the year of the cat Then the break, led out by cellos and crying violins dripping teardrop-shaped notes, parrying together for a few bars, like lovers parting. Then a searing slide guitar note splits them like a hot knife through b...

Twelve-time Melbourne Cup winner Bart Cummings was once asked to what he owed his success. 'Horses,' he replied.