Everyone from Antony Jay, Jonathan Lynn and Aldous Huxley to Terry Oglesby, Scott Adams, Frank Dickens, George Orwell and Douglas Adams have satirised bureaucrats.
But no-one seems to have made a dent. Bureaucratic stupidity must be Kevlar-coated. When it comes to bureaucracies, there are kangaroos loose in the top paddock everywhere you look and they just keep getting worse.
Take this story for example. The pizza shop was held up. The pizza guys caught one of the robbers. Nice work, pizza guys! But wait, there's an investigation. The police?
No. It's the WorkSafe people, investigating the pizza guys for not following Bureaucratic Guidelines for the Implementation of Outcomes-Based Strategies During Outsourced Asset-Stripping Exercises by Socially Disadvantaged Asset-Poor Participants in the Non-Legal Economy Assisted by Projectile-Emitting Non-Porous Metallic Devices (IoOBSDOASEbSDAPPitNLEAbPENPMD). Bureaucrats, in between turning the entire English language into acronyms, are also good at stating the obvious:
' ... WA WorkSafe Commissioner Nina Lyhne was concerned people might think trying to overpower an armed robber was a good idea. "If a person is desperate enough to commit an armed robbery, you can never be sure how violent that person may become," she said.'
Unless they're desperate and stupid. But never mind, like all bureaucracies, Planet WorkSafe has a solution:
'All-hours workplaces needed armed holdup procedures and all staff trained in their use, Ms Lyhne said.'
At any other time and in any other place that would mean armed protection. But not on Planet WorkSafe, where everything is solved by regulations in triplicate and endless PowerPoint presentations.
They should stick to hunting down rogue flattened cardboard boxes.
But no-one seems to have made a dent. Bureaucratic stupidity must be Kevlar-coated. When it comes to bureaucracies, there are kangaroos loose in the top paddock everywhere you look and they just keep getting worse.
Take this story for example. The pizza shop was held up. The pizza guys caught one of the robbers. Nice work, pizza guys! But wait, there's an investigation. The police?
No. It's the WorkSafe people, investigating the pizza guys for not following Bureaucratic Guidelines for the Implementation of Outcomes-Based Strategies During Outsourced Asset-Stripping Exercises by Socially Disadvantaged Asset-Poor Participants in the Non-Legal Economy Assisted by Projectile-Emitting Non-Porous Metallic Devices (IoOBSDOASEbSDAPPitNLEAbPENPMD). Bureaucrats, in between turning the entire English language into acronyms, are also good at stating the obvious:
' ... WA WorkSafe Commissioner Nina Lyhne was concerned people might think trying to overpower an armed robber was a good idea. "If a person is desperate enough to commit an armed robbery, you can never be sure how violent that person may become," she said.'
Unless they're desperate and stupid. But never mind, like all bureaucracies, Planet WorkSafe has a solution:
'All-hours workplaces needed armed holdup procedures and all staff trained in their use, Ms Lyhne said.'
At any other time and in any other place that would mean armed protection. But not on Planet WorkSafe, where everything is solved by regulations in triplicate and endless PowerPoint presentations.
They should stick to hunting down rogue flattened cardboard boxes.
I'm flattered by the association with those other guys (whoever THEY are).
ReplyDeleteANYway, this was kinda stupid: "If a person is desperate enough to commit an armed robbery, you can never be sure how violent that person may become."
Well, if there is no chance that the robber will be injured in any way or detained, and the chance of financial success is high, you can't very well convince me that he's desperate.
Desperation is robbing a pizza joint with the idea in the back of your mind that you might not be amongst the living after it's over with.
I think this is probably why there are very few armed robberies of gun shops and police stations.
Exactly, Terry.
ReplyDelete