Another complete waste of time.

Procrastination is an art. Some people are idle; some merely bored; others become frustrated with 'down' time. They don't know what to do. Or rather, they don't know what not to do.

Procrastinators, on the other hand, know exactly what not to do. Procrastinators love doing interesting but useless things such as reading P. G. Wodehouse instead of mowing the lawn. Even better, taking their chair outside and reading P. G. Wodehouse ON the lawn that they are supposed to be mowing. That's pro-active procrastination. That's the art of it.

So when I found yet another one of those internet survey questionnaire things that they call memes over at Canadian Sara's blog, I dropped everything and settled back for some serious time-wasting. This meme is even more insufferably self-indulgent than the others. It should be called a me-me.

(Reader: consider yourself tagged, enjoy a bit of procrastination and talk about yourself shamelessly. It's OK, you can't be interrupted - that's the beauty of blogging.)

THE 'ME' MEME.

I AM: Australian of largely British stock and a bit else besides.

I WANT: First, a cappuccino and two toasted ham and cheese sandwiches. Then immense riches. Priorities!

I WISH: Money would roll in the door without me having to go out and fetch it.

I HATE: Dishonesty. Insincerity. Burned food.

I MISS: My phone. Again. Where did I leave it?

I HEAR: The whippet next door yapping at the fence, the muffled whirr, swish and chug of the washing machine in the laundry and the wind ruffling the poplars out in the street. The dog I don't mind, the wind is beautiful, the washing machine I might go and turn off.

I WONDER: Why travel and food writers write in the present tense.

I REGRET: Je ne regrette rien. Except maybe learning French for six years. Where did it get me? Nowhere. So I can order in French at restaurants?

I AM NOT: Patient when waiting for someone. I wish people would hurry up and not keep me waiting. Doctors do that, I don't need anyone else to do it.

I DANCE: William on my knee.

I SING: Songs that annoy me. They get stuck in my head and drive me nuts and I have to sing them out. Is that weird?

I CRY: Abandoned or maltreated children. Certain music. Cutting onions.

I AM NOT ALWAYS: In the kitchen.

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: Practically nothing apart from dinner. I am not hand-y. I am write-y.

I WRITE: Stuff that doesn't earn me any money. Can someone please publish my blog? Thanks.

I CONFUSE: Mortar with pestle. Yes, I know someone told me the difference once and gave me a song to remember it by but it didn't work.

I NEED: Ten days in the Red Centre to see the sun rise and flood the barren landscape with gold and then set twelve hours later; vermilion fire yielding to burnt orange to black leaving a million stars chandeliered over the earth like haggard diamonds.

I SHOULD: Shut up and install the bathroom heater. It's only been sitting there three weeks.

I START: Lots of things.

I FINISH: