Don't eat fish: doctors.

We have it on medical authority: eat less fish.

Nothing to do with your health: doctors are not caring about you. They're thinking of the environment. In fact, they are thinking about the fish. That's a first.

Doctor: "You're looking great. But don't eat any fish."

Me: "Why? Isn't it good for me?"

Doctor: "It's not good for the fish. Or the sea. Or ..."

Me: "I'm not paying you to care about fish."

Doctor: "Everyone cares about fish now. You should care about fish. There won't be any left."

Me: "I thought that was the idea. You get in first and improve your gene pool. It used to be called evolution."

Doctor: "It's not evolution any more. It's ethics. Ethical eating."

Me: "Now I'm paying you to be a philosopher."

Meanwhile, the scientists are not happy:

In a submission following the draft report, the CSIRO questioned the use of the term "environmentally sustainable" as "an argument for some of the limitations on some foods, notably meat, fish and dairy". ... "It is unclear ... why nutritional desirability for optimal health has been compromised as a consequence," it said.

Everyone's an expert. On everything. I'm off to lunch. Blufish in Centre Arcade: Grilled whiting. Greek salad. Tzatziki to dip. Thin chips. Salt.